Recipes I'll Never Make Again
Deep Culinary Failures, Part 1
My current recipe collection contains only bangers, but it’s been a long hard road to get here. There have been many humbling and catastrophic failures. This is my short list of those failures. More to follow.
Toad-in -a-hole: Sausages cooked in Yorkshire pudding. It sounds delicious, but it was not. It looked obscenely awful and tasted worse. Never again, unless I find myself in an authentic British pub where they know what they are doing.
Cherry jello mixed with cherry pie filling: This is what I selected for my special birthday meal every year as a child. As an adult, I just can’t do canned fruit in jello. There is no going back.
French honey cake: This ballooned out of the pan oozed all over the bottom of the oven. I have no pictures because I was frantically googling how to clean charred, caramelized honey out of the bottom of an oven. The pan was the recommended size, by the way, so no victim blaming.
Cheese hot dogs wrapped in crescent rolls, made to look like mummies: I did this for a few years when my daughter was young. We are all glad that she is grown up and these no longer make an appearance at the table.
Eggs and bacon breakfast pizza: No. Don’t do it. It sounds really tasty and easy, a healthy and creative way to have pizza for breakfast. I tried four different recipes before giving up. The end result, without fail, was jiggly raw eggs on burned dough. Just make the eggs and bacon or make a pizza. Everyone will thank you.